One of the most painful after-effects of narcissistic abuse isn’t just the memories of what happened: it’s the lingering doubt in yourself.

Clients often tell me:

• “I don’t know what’s real anymore.”
• “Maybe I overreacted.”
• “I can’t trust my own judgment.”

This loss of self-trust is not accidental. It’s one of the most devastating impacts of narcissistic abuse, and it can take time (and support) to rebuild.

How Narcissistic Abuse Erodes Self-Trust

At the core of narcissistic abuse is gaslighting: repeatedly denying your reality, minimizing your feelings, or twisting facts until you start to second-guess yourself. Over time, survivors learn to ignore their own instincts and defer to the narcissist’s version of events.

Common experiences include:

• Feeling confused even when facts seem clear.
• Apologizing excessively for things that aren’t your fault.
• Seeking reassurance before making decisions.
• Overthinking every interaction because you don’t trust your perception.

What results is a deep fracture in the survivor’s relationship with themselves.

Why This Struggle Is So Common

Survivors of narcissistic abuse often:

1. Lose their inner compass: Years of being told you’re “too sensitive” or “crazy” can make you abandon your natural instincts.
2. Develop trauma bonds: The cycle of love-bombing and devaluation trains your brain to mistrust your own needs while craving the abuser’s approval.
3. Carry internalized criticism: Survivors may keep hearing the abuser’s voice in their head, long after the relationship ends.
4. Feel safer doubting themselves: For many, self-doubt becomes a survival strategy—it prevents further conflict with the narcissist, even if it costs them self-esteem.

The Therapy Work: Rebuilding Self-Trust

Healing self-trust is not about “thinking positive” or just telling yourself, “I know I’m right.” It’s about gradually reconnecting to your instincts and allowing you to matter again.

In narcissistic abuse-informed therapy, we often focus on:

• Reality validation: Naming gaslighting for what it is.
• Reconnecting to intuition: Learning to notice gut feelings again, and testing them in safe, low-stakes ways.
• Separating past from present: Recognizing when an old wound (e.g., “I’m too much”) is shaping today’s self-doubt.
• Building corrective experiences: Creating relationships, inside and outside of therapy, where your feelings are taken seriously.

Practical Steps to Begin Rebuilding Self-Trust

If you’re trying to reclaim your sense of self, here are some first steps you can practice today:

• Keep a “reality check” journal: Write down events as they happen. Later, when self-doubt creeps in, you have a record of what actually occurred.
• Practice small decisions: Start with low-risk choices (what to wear, what to eat), and affirm that your choice is enough.
• Use supportive community: Share your experiences with trusted friends or survivor groups who won’t gaslight you.
• Challenge the “inner critic”: When you hear the narcissist’s voice in your head, pause and ask, “Is this really mine, or theirs?”

You Can Learn to Trust Yourself Again

Losing self-trust after narcissistic abuse doesn’t mean it's going to be this way forever. It means you were conditioned to survive in a relationship that demanded you abandon yourself.

Healing means slowly, steadily, reclaiming your voice and trusting that you are the expert on your own life.

👉 Book a free 15-minute consultation to begin your journey back to trusting yourself. Our team specializes in narcissistic abuse-informed therapy across Ontario, including Sudbury, Timmins, North Bay, Toronto, Ottawa, and beyond.

Happy healing 🫶🏼,