If you’ve ever tried to go no contact with a narcissistic partner, parent, or friend, you’ve probably discovered something few people talk about: it’s not as simple as blocking their number and walking away.

For survivors of narcissistic abuse, no contact can feel impossible, mainly because of how deeply this kind of relationship wires itself into your nervous system, your emotions, practicalities, and even your sense of safety.

At Through the Woods Psychotherapy (TTW Psych), we help survivors navigate this step safely, understanding, and compassion.

Why No Contact Is So Difficult

Most survivors are told: “You just need to cut them off.” But if it were that simple, you would’ve done it already.

Here’s why it’s so much harder than outsiders realize:

1. The trauma bond
   Narcissistic relationships are built on a powerful cycle of reward and punishment (love-bombing, devaluation, and intermittent kindness).
   Your brain associates the abuser with both danger and relief, creating a chemical attachment that feels addictive.
2. Guilt and conditioning
   Narcissists train you to feel responsible for their emotions. Going no contact feels like abandonment or cruelty, even when it’s self-protection.
3. Fear of retaliation or smear campaigns
   Survivors often stay connected to “keep the peace.” No contact can trigger rage, manipulation, or public shaming from the narcissist.
4. Practical constraints
   Shared children, finances, work, or family obligations can make total disconnection unrealistic.
5. Hope
   A small part of you might still believe they’ll change, apologize, or finally “get it.” That hope (though very understandable) keeps you tethered.

What Happens When You Try to Go No Contact

Many survivors experience withdrawal-like symptoms after cutting contact:

• Emotional emptiness or anxiety
• Cravings for contact or “closure”
• Intrusive memories or dreams
• Guilt for “giving up” on them (aka toxic loyalty)

Your nervous system is reacting to the loss of both the abuser and the illusion of safety that relationship provided.

When No Contact Isn’t Possible

No contact can be the gold standard, but it's not always realistic. In these cases, the goal becomes “low contact” or “strategic contact." That might look like:

• Communicating only about logistics (kids, legal, work)
• Keeping messages brief and factual
• Avoiding emotional engagement or justifications, as difficult as it is (therapy helps navigate these interactions and all of the natural feelings that arise)
• Using grey-rocking (flat, neutral responses)
• Having a safety or support plan before interactions

These steps help protect you from further abuse, which becomes the primary goal.

Reframing "No Contact"

Instead of seeing it as a cruel act, think of no contact as a process:

1. Emotional detachment begins before physical distance.
2. Each boundary, no matter how small, is progress.
3. You’re not required to explain or defend your choices.

Healing starts when you turn your focus from understanding them to protecting yourself.

What Therapy Can Help You With

In narcissistic abuse-informed therapy, we never push survivors to “cut them off" if that isn't possible. Instead, we:

• Validate the fear, guilt, and confusion that come with this step.
• Build nervous-system regulation skills for moments of panic or withdrawal.
• Develop personalized plans for safe, realistic detachment.
• Learn skills to safely keep your distance.
• Help survivors grieve both the person and the fantasy of what could have been.

Most Importantly: You Don’t Have to Go No Contact Alone

Whether you’re trying to leave, already gone, or managing limited contact, you deserve support that understands the specific dynamics of narcissistic abuse.

No contact isn’t just about blocking someone. It’s about reclaiming your peace, your safety, and your sense of self.

👉 Book a free 15-minute consultation to connect with a therapist who understands how complex this step can be, and we can walk with you through every stage of it.

Happy healing <3

‍

‍

‍