Have you ever been promised the world by someone, only to watch those promises vanish time and time again? If the answer is yes, you’ve likely experienced something we call future faking.

It’s one of the most manipulative tactics in narcissistic abuse, and one of the most painful to recover from. At Through the Woods Psychotherapy (TTW Psych), we specialize in helping survivors across untangle this confusing cycle.

What Is Future Faking?

Future faking happens when a narcissist makes grand promises about the future, such as a vacation, a wedding, buying a house, or even “We’ll always be together”. But the issue is there are no intention of following through.

These promises are not about commitment, but rather, control.

By dangling a picture of the future, the narcissist keeps you emotionally invested in the relationship, even when the present is painful. A solid deflection.

Why Survivors Experience this repeatedly

Falling for future faking doesn’t mean you’re naive or “should have known better.” Survivors are often deeply conditioned to believe the narcissist’s words over their own reality.

Future faking is effective because:

• It offers hope. In the middle of conflict, a dream of a better tomorrow feels comforting.
• It feeds the trauma bond. The highs of those promises are powerful enough to make you overlook the lows. Sometimes, it even becomes addictive.
• It exploits empathy. Survivors often give the benefit of the doubt.
• It resets the cycle. Just as you’re ready to walk away, the narcissist makes another promise, pulling you back in.

Signs You’re Experiencing Future Faking

Some red flags include:

• Promises about big commitments that never materialize.
• Excuses that keep pushing the timeline further.
• Grand declarations during conflict, but no real change afterward.
• A cycle of “dreaming big” but living small.

If you notice a pattern of words not matching actions, you may also be caught in this type of manipulation.

The Damage of Future Faking

Future faking isn’t harmless “empty talk.” It can cause deep psychological wounds:

• Loss of trust in others: Making it hard to believe in healthy partners later.
• Self-blame: Wondering why you stayed, or blaming yourself for being “fooled.”
• Prolonged trauma bonds: Keeping you stuck longer than you wanted.
• Confusion about reality: Questioning whether you imagined the promises.

The grief survivors feel isn’t just about what happened, but it’s also about the future they were led to believe in.

Healing From Future Faking

In therapy, survivors often work on:

• Reality testing: Anchoring in what actually happened, instead of the promises.
• Separating words from actions: Learning to value consistent behavior over grand declarations.
• Releasing self-blame: Understanding manipulation was the problem—not you.
• Grieving the “false future”: Allowing yourself to mourn the relationship you were promised but never given.

A Key Shift: Choosing the Present

One of the most powerful healing steps is shifting focus back to the present moment. Narcissists thrive on controlling your future. Healing comes from asking:

• What do I need today?
• What is actually happening now vs.  what was promised?
• What choices do I have in this moment to protect myself and my peace?

You Deserve a Future That’s Real and Steady

Future faking keeps survivors living in “someday". Healing helps you build a life that’s real, grounded, and yours, now.

👉 Book a free 15-minute consultation to connect with a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse and can help you reclaim your voice and your future.

Happy healing <3