One of the most heartbreaking things we hear from clients recovering from narcissistic abuse is:
“What if I was the narcissist?”

If you’ve asked yourself this question, it doesn’t mean you’re abusive. In fact, it’s a  signs that you may have experienced manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional invalidation in a relationship.

At ttwpsych, we specialize in narcissistic abuse-informed therapy for clients across Ontario, and this question comes up all the time.

Let’s unpack why.

Why Do Survivors Ask This?

Abuse by a narcissistic individual often involves:

• Gaslighting: making you question your memory, emotions, or sense of reality
• Projection: blaming you for the very things they are doing
• Character attacks: calling you selfish, controlling, or toxic
• Emotional withdrawal or punishment when you try to assert needs or boundaries

Over time, this erodes your internal compass. You might begin to ask:

• “Was I overreacting?”
• “Did I manipulate them without realizing it?”
• “Maybe I’m the narcissist…”

But here’s the truth:
People who genuinely worry about being narcissistic are often not.
Why? Because narcissism, by definition, lacks empathy, self-reflection, and accountability.

Narcissistic Abuse Creates Identity Confusion

Many survivors struggle with:

• Chronic self-doubt
• A distorted sense of who they are
• Feeling like they’re “too much” or “too needy”
• Shame for standing up for themselves
• Guilt for leaving the relationship

This is not your fault. This is the impact of relational trauma, and it’s exactly what narcissistic abuse-informed therapy helps you unravel.

The Role of Therapy in Untangling Self-Blame

At TTW Psych, our team provides therapy that goes far beyond surface-level validation. Our work focuses on helping you:

• Understand how gaslighting and projection work
• Reconnect with your authentic self, building self-trust
• Working through self-blame, guilt, or shame
• Identify false narratives planted by the abuser
• Set boundaries without guilt
• Learn the difference between healthy conflict and emotional manipulation

We specialize in narcissistic abuse recovery, so you won’t have to educate us about what gaslighting is or justify why you feel broken. We already know this territory, and we walk with you through it.

You’re Trying to Heal

If you're asking, “Am I the narcissist?” you’re likely someone who:

• Thinks deeply about your impact on others
• Wants to take accountability
• Has been emotionally manipulated into believing you’re the problem
• Is willing to have healthy conversations, repair, and grow

That is not narcissism, but a trauma response.

Start Reclaiming Your Reality

If you're ready to stop living in self-doubt and start reconnecting with your truth, we're here to help.

👉 Book a free 15-minute consultation to speak with a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery.

You don’t need to keep questioning yourself. Let’s find the truth, together.

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