One of the most common things we hear from clients at TTW  is:

“I still don’t know if it was really abuse. What if I’m just being "dramatic"?”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone, and you’re certainly not overreacting. In fact, if you’re Googling “was it narcissistic abuse?” at 2 a.m. or replaying conversations over and over in your head, it’s probably because something deep inside you is trying to make sense of a kind of harm that’s meant to be confusing.

Let’s break it down gently, and help you find some clarity.
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What Is Narcissistic Abuse, Really?

Narcissistic abuse is a pattern of emotional and psychological harm, often marked by manipulation, gaslighting, control, and a lack of empathy. It doesn’t always involve yelling or physical harm. In fact, sometimes it's subtle, covert, and some days may look "normal".

Here are some signs a Narcisisstic dynamic may be at play in that relationship:

• Being blamed for everything
• Apologizing constantly to “keep the peace”
• Feeling like you’re walking on eggshells
• Having your reality denied (“That never happened”)
• Being idealized, then suddenly devalued or discarded
• Feeling emotionally drained but unable to explain why

If this sounds subtle or confusing… that’s the point. Narcissistic abuse often happens in the gray areas of human behavior. It's not always what people picture when they think of “abuse,” which is why so many survivors dismiss their own pain.

“But it's never gotten physical…” (Why It Still Counts)

So many survivors minimize what happened because the abuse never got physically harmful. But emotional and psychological abuse is real abuse, and society is just now catching up to that. Instead of a. bruise, it wounds your sense of self, your trust in your own perception, and your ability to feel safe in relationships, period.

In many cases, the abuse wasn’t loud, it was:

• Subtle digs disguised as jokes
• Withholding affection or communication as punishment (silent treatment)
• Making you feel “too sensitive” or “crazy” for having needs
• Expecting you to take care of their emotions but never caring about yours
• Talking to  siblings or other family members to triangulate and isolate the one who sees the dysfunction
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Why You Might Still Be Questioning It

It’s common to doubt yourself, especially after being gaslit or emotionally manipulated. Survivors often say:

• “It wasn’t all bad.” (minimizing your own pain)
• “They had a rough childhood…” (justifying their behaviours)
• “They can be really charming sometimes.” (focusing on only one piece of information often called betrayal blindness)
• “They said I was the narcissist.” (victim-blaming)
• “Maybe I’m just too sensitive.” (self-blame)

The truth? Narcissistic abuse thrives on confusion... It distorts your sense of reality so you stay unsure, quiet, and stuck. If you’re doubting yourself, that doesn’t mean you’re wrong — it means you were likely conditioned to ignore your intuition for their own benefit (you staying in the relationship due to their own fears of abandonment and need of supply to fuel their ego).
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Signs It Was Narcissistic Abuse (Even If You’re Still Not Sure)

If you're still asking, “Was it really abuse?”, here are some signs it may have been:

• You feel guilt or shame when setting boundaries
• You were blamed for everything, even their behaviour
• You felt emotionally unsafe or like you had to hide parts of yourself
• You lost your confidence, voice, or sense of identity
• You felt isolated from friends/family
• You kept trying to “earn” love or approval that never came, or came in cycles

You don’t have to check every box. Even a few of these signs matter.

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You Deserve to Know the Truth of Your Story

Sometimes, it's enough to simply trust your symptoms and intuition. At Through the Woods Psychotherapy, a label isn't necesssary. We specialize in helping survivors unpack the self-doubt and confusion. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just need a space that feels safe enough to start.

Whether you’re in Timmins, Sudbury, North Bay, GTA— or anywhere in Ontario — our therapists offer trauma-informed support for those navigating the aftermath of emotional abuse.

We see the patterns, and we believe you.  We’re here to walk alongisde you, when you are ready.

Until then, feel free to book a free consultation (book now button on the right side of this page), or inquire about our team at ttwpsychotherapy@gmail.com.

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Happy healing 🫶🏻,

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